


Troubleshooting

by themechanicsnightmare (ihaventsleptyetits4amoops)



Series: Kiss With a Fist [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, all chapters super short, all characters are mentioned but do not actively appear, college student shenanigans, guess which chapter was inspired by Kell Tainer, in universe one of them wrote this, probably Tycho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 04:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihaventsleptyetits4amoops/pseuds/themechanicsnightmare
Summary: If found, please return to the Mechanical Engineering Computer Lab.





	1. Introduction

Hi there, person reading this book. You’ve picked up the troubleshooting guide for the Mechanical Engineering Computer Lab. If you didn’t find it there, please return it. God knows we need it. Nobody’d get any work done if we had to ask each other all these questions.

If you have a problem, follow the instructions until something works. If nothing works, or you have a problem not included in this book, try using common sense. Then trying speaking to an actual human being.

But not Solo. He’s the reason the printer broke in the first place.

_~~I was trying to make it print faster! – Han~~ _

Note: if your name is Wes Janson, don’t try using common sense. We all know you don’t have any.

 

Important Contact Information

Wedge: 07476705537

Luke: ~~07361690371~~ 07901965364

Cassian (from Software): 07779392293 (or ask Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea struck me on the train home from college the other day. All numbers came from asking a friend for a 9 digit number and putting 07 in front.
> 
> I'm still working on the main story I promise.


	2. THE PRINTER IS NOT WORKING

THE PRINTER IS NOT WORKING

  1. Check the ink
  2. Check the paper
  3. Press up, press left, press OK
  4. Turn the printer off and turn it back on again
  5. Verbally abuse the printer
  6. Try hitting the printer
  7. Call Luke, the damn thing likes him for some reason
  8. Just go use the one in Electrical instead




	3. THE WI-FI IS NOT WORKING

THE WI-FI IS NOT WORKING

  1. Again? For fuck’s sake
  2. Locate the router
  3. Announce to the room at large that you are about to fuck with the router
  4. Turn it off and turn it back on again
  5. Wiggle the cables at the back
  6. Move the router three inches to the left
  7. Move the router three inches to the right
  8. Keep moving the router until someone tells you the Wi-Fi is working
  9. You could be there for a very long time
  10. We salute you for your sacrifice




	4. MY COMPUTER IS NOT WORKING

MY COMPUTER WILL NOT TURN ON

  1. Determine whether the computer is plugged in
  2. Unplug the computer and plug it back in
  3. Move to a different computer
  4. Tell Wedge




	5. My COMPUTER IS SMOKING

MY COMPUTER IS SMOKING

  1. Tell it to stop
  2. Turn it off
  3. Put a sticker on it
  4. Go outside/move to a different computer
  5. Be prepared to run for the fire extinguisher
  6. It would not be the first time a computer has set itself on fire




	6. MY COMPUTER HAS EXPLODED

MY COMPUTER HAS EXPLODED

  1. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO
  2. Find out what the fuck you did
  3. Never do it again
  4. Move to a new computer
  5. Pretend nothing happened



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god it's been so long since I updated, sorry folks. My internet broke, among other things. I'm still working on the main story I swear but this damn chapter just doesn't want to be written. Here's a triple update that doesn't make up for it in the slightest.


	7. MY MOUSE/KEYBOARD IS NOT WORKING

MY MOUSE/KEYBOARD IS NOT WORKING 

  1. Determine whether your mouse/keyboard is plugged in 
  2. Determine whether your mouse/keyboard is plugged into  _your_  computer 
  3. Unplug your mouse/keyboard and plug it back in again 
  4. Unplug your mouse/keyboard and plug it into the other USB port 
  5. Obtain new mouse/keyboard from box labelled mice/keyboards  
  6. Just leave the old mouse/keyboard in the box 
  7. It is now someone else's problem 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro tip: don't start university. Just don't


	8. MY MONITOR IS NOT WORKING

MY MONITOR IS NOT WORKING 

  1. Determine whether the monitor is plugged in 
  2. Determine whether the monitor is plugged into the correct computer 
  3. Bash the top of the monitor gently a few times 
  4. Bash the monitor slightly less gently 
  5. Try hitting the sides 
  6. Get a spare out of the cupboard 
  7. If they're all broken you're shit outta luck 




	9. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS IS NOT WORKING

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS IS NOT WORKING 

  1. This isn’t really our department 
  2. Try talking to them about it? 
  3. Try never talking to them again? 
  4. Wedge is your dad now 




	10. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING

MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING 

  1. Same 
  2. Drink water 
  3. Drink coffee 
  4. Food? 
  5. Have a nap 
  6. Go outside 
  7. Cry 




	11. THE COFFEE MACHINE IS NOT WORKING

THE COFFEE MACHINE IS NOT WORKING 

  1. EVERYBODY PANIC 
  2. OH GOD OH GOD WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE




	12. THERE IS NO COFFEE LEFT

THERE IS NO COFFEE LEFT 

  1. Find out who drank the last of the coffee 
  2. Kill them 
  3. Put a fresh pot on 




	13. I DRANK THE LAST OF THE COFFEE

I DRANK THE LAST OF THE COFFEE 

  1. Don’t be that guy 
  2. Put a fresh pot on 




	14. I DON'T LIKE COFFEE

I DON’T LIKE COFFEE 

  1. How 
  2. There’s red bull in the fridge 
  3. Tea’s in the cupboard but it hasn’t been touched in living memory 
  4. You scare me 




	15. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE 

  1. Neither do we 
  2. You’ll figure it out eventually 
  3. It’ll be fine 




	16. I HAVE BEEN IN THIS ROOM FOR SO LONG THAT I NO LONGER KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS

I HAVE BEEN IN THIS ROOM FOR SO LONG THAT I NO LONGER KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS 

  1. GO OUTSIDE 




	17. SOMEONE IS ASLEEP

SOMEONE IS ASLEEP  

  1. Get them a blanket from the cupboard 
  2. Let them rest 




	18. CUPBOARD CONTENTS

CUPBOARD CONTENTS (if missing please replace)

  * 5 blankets
  * Box of tea (roughly 10 years old, drink at your own risk)
  * Deodorant (for weed smell/aggressive farts/BO)
  * Mini-fridge (contains milk for coffee reasons)
  * Mini-freezer (contains frozen vegetables for punching reasons)
  * First aid kit
  * Spare toilet rolls




	19. I CAN'T LOG ON

I CAN’T LOG ON 

  1. Are you typing your password in correctly? 
  2. No seriously  
  3. Have you typed your password in wrong? 
  4. Check your username 
  5. Reboot the computer 
  6. Try a different computer 
  7. Take five minutes to cry 
  8. Spend the next twelve thousand years arguing with network support about whether you actually exist or not 




	20. THE COMPUTER IS SLOW

THE COMPUTER IS SLOW 

  1. You’ve only just noticed? 
  2. They always have been  
  3. They always will be 
  4. It’s a universal constant 
  5. Get used to it 




	21. THE COMPUTER IS SLOWER THAN USUAL

THE COMPUTER IS SLOWER THAN USUAL 

  1. Yikes 
  2. How 
  3. Exercise patience 
  4. Give up on patience 
  5. Verbal abuse and physical violence don’t help but you could try it anyway 
  6. Leave it to do its thing and go outside before you get in trouble for destruction of property 




	22. WES JANSON IS SMILING

WES JANSON IS SMILING 

  1. Don’t panic 
  2. It will be okay 
  3. Check equipment/doorways/everything for booby traps before you use it 
  4. Contact Wedge 




	23. HOBBIE KLIVIAN IS SMILING

HOBBIE KLIVIAN IS SMILING 

  1. The end of days is nigh 
  2. Be very careful 
  3. Wes has probably done something even worse than usual 
  4. Contact Wedge 




	24. THE AIR CONDITIONING IS BROKEN

THE AIR CONDITIONING IS NOT WORKING 

  1. We know 
  2. Deal with it




	25. MY ENTIRE LIFE IS GOING TO SHIT AND I AM FALLING INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT OF DESPAIR

MY ENTIRE LIFE IS GOING TO SHIT AND I AM FALLING INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT OF DESPAIR 

  1. Do you need a hug? 




	26. SOMEONE IS CRYING ON THE FLOOR

SOMEONE IS CRYING ON THE FLOOR 

  1. Let them
  2. Maybe hug them?
  3. I don’t know man, I fix computers not people 




	27. I AM CRYING ON THE FLOOR

I AM CRYING ON THE FLOOR 

  1. Just let it out 
  2. It will be okay 
  3. Get a drink
  4. Go wash your face
  5. Wedge gives good hugs




	28. I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN 36+ HOURS

I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN 36+ HOURS 

  1. Go to bed 
  2. I don’t care 
  3. Go to bed right now




	29. EVERY TIME I CLICK THE MOUSE IT RIGHT-CLICKS INSTEAD

EVERY TIME I CLICK THE MOUSE IT RIGHT-CLICKS INSTEAD 

  1. Yeah, that's annoying 
  2. Does the right click work as the left-click? 
  3. If yes, just deal with it 
  4. If no, uninstall and reinstall the drivers 
  5. Check the settings it might have got fucked up 
  6. Go get a new mouse 




	30. THE SOFTWARE IS NOT WORKING

THE SOFTWARE IS NOT WORKING 

  1. Close and reopen the program 
  2. Reboot the computer 
  3. Call Cassian from Software and get him to fix it




	31. I AM HORRIFICALLY ILL BUT HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE AND NEED TO USE THE SOFTWARE

I AM HORRIFICALLY ILL BUT HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE AND NEED TO USE THE SOFTWARE 

  1. No 
  2. Unless you have Krennic you’ll get an extension 
  3. Even Skywalker isn’t that much of a dick 
  4. Go back to bed before you infect us all 




	32. MY FILES ARE CORRUPTED

MY FILES ARE CORRUPTED 

  1. Try opening it again 
  2. Run a system check 
  3. If it comes up with a repair option, do that 
  4. Delete the file and replace it with a previous copy/start over 
  5. This is why we back up our work, folks 




	33. I HAVE ACQUIRED MODERATE/SERIOUS BRUISING

I HAVE ACQUIRED MODERATE/SERIOUS BRUISING 

  1. Congratulations 
  2. Acquire peas from the freezer 
  3. Wrap them in a towel unless you want frostbite 
  4. For the love of God, DO NOT get freezer-water on the electricals 
  5. You will get electrocuted 
  6. Wedge will kill you



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me posting nothing for a year then uploading 26 chapters in the dead of night like the goblin that I am

**Author's Note:**

> This idea struck me on the train home from college the other day. All numbers came from asking a friend for a 9 digit number and putting 07 in front.
> 
> I'm still working on the main story, I promise.


End file.
